


Brighter Than the Moon

by OstelanExcruciasm



Series: Breaking the Berserker Series [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuSai, Angst, Daddy Axel, Fluff, M/M, Mommy Saix, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OstelanExcruciasm/pseuds/OstelanExcruciasm
Summary: It was an outrage.  A scandal.  His comrades would look upon him with shame, and he would never live down the humiliation.  It shouldn't have been possible -- the least of which for a Nobody.  But the scan didn't lie, and now Saïx had a decision to make.What does one do when he is given an impossible task and instructed to make it so?What does one do when presented with the most important decision of his lifetime?What does one do when he is granted the opportunity to change his future in ways he could scarcely imagine?
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Breaking the Berserker Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680004
Comments: 18
Kudos: 35





	Brighter Than the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is related to Breaking the Berserker, but is not of the same continuity.

The coffee was a bit weak that morning, in Zexion’s opinion. He supposed he only had himself to blame for hurrying through the brewing process, far too impatient to wait for his daily fix. He’d been up before dawn, as usual, working on another of Vexen’s personal projects, promising himself he’d eat breakfast later. He never did, of course. Just another two cups of coffee. He rationalized that if he put sugar in it, he could technically claim that he’d eaten something. Then he wouldn’t necessarily be lying when someone inevitably checked in on him. Such was an added side effect of his young age, and in those moments he could only roll his eyes at his comrades’ misguided instincts to parent him. As far as Zexion was concerned, it was high time the Organization found itself a new ‘child’ to coddle.

The daily grind was in full swing. Zexion sat quite comfortably, hunched over his desk and scrolling through page after page of equations on a screen. It was all fairly routine work for him, little more than glorified data entry. Vexen still didn’t trust him with the  _ big jobs,  _ yet he had no issue dumping his grunt work on the young apprentice whenever he managed to be called away for an extended assignment. He’d been gone for four days now, and Zexion was beginning to feel the strain of picking up his slack, but he couldn’t complain. The lab was much quieter without the old man around.

He left the lights off as he worked, and the lab was dark and quiet except for the humming and whirring of the machines. Other than the latest hours of the evening, Zexion considered this to be the best time of day. It was still early enough that no one else was awake. No perky greeting or tired grumbling, none of Saïx’s flat barking or Vexen’s shrill squawking. No distraction or noise at all. Just the low static of technology, peaceful and gentle as a crackling fireplace. The atmosphere was perfectly calm and still. At least it was, until his unexpected visitors burst through the door.

Seven sharp. Saïx entered the lab, followed by — or rather, being pushed by — Axel. The moment he’d crossed the threshold, he stood with his arms crossed, visibly annoyed. It was difficult not to cringe. Zexion had been on the receiving end of that face more times than he was willing to admit. But as far as he could remember, he’d spent the past several days quietly completing his work. He had no recollection of any tasks he’d forgotten or mistakes he’d made, especially that would warrant such a look from Saïx. He could only speculate upon just what he’d done this time.

“Saïx?” he greeted the man questioningly. “It’s rare to see you in here. What can I do for you?”

Axel nudged him on the shoulder with a stern look. “Isa, tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Saïx whipped around. “That you dragged me here to quell your own anxieties about my health?”

“For god’s sake, Isa, you’re not well.”

Zexion started at this revelation, both surprised and relieved to find that he was, in fact, not in trouble. Even more intriguing was the suggestion that Saïx of all people could be sick. He was never the man to catch a cold or flu. He rarely ever sought medical assistance or even took time off work to recover from illness or injury. Whatever had brought him to the lab now, Zexion figured, it must have been rather serious.

Saïx let out an exasperated sigh. “Lea, my illness is well-known. Vomiting isn’t out of the ordinary for me.”

He was certainly right about that. Saïx may have been immune to respiratory infections, but his digestive system was delicate, to say the least. Vexen and Zexion had treated his symptoms more times over the past several years than he could count. Much of the time, he was in a state of remission. But during one of his episodes, the poor man’s stomach was a constant war zone of acid reflux, nausea, bloating, and general malaise. Though the scientists had practically turned him inside out, no cause was ever found. Furthermore, the potions Vexen came up with only provided marginal results and little relief. It was a wonder Saïx could function with such a condition, and if he was experiencing a relapse now of all times, Zexion wasn’t sure just what he’d do.

“It’s never been this bad before,” Axel countered. “It’s daily, it’s violent, it’s frequent, you’ve lost weight…” he listed the symptoms on his fingers. “Face it, Isa. You’re really sick.”

If Zexion had to make an assessment by sight alone, he’d have admitted to being at least slightly concerned. Saïx did seem pale, and his coat hung a bit loose on his thinner-than-usual frame. A few hairs had matted to his face with sweat. His cheeks were flushed a light shade of pink.  _ Nothing to panic over,  _ Zexion thought.  _ Probably just a bug. _ A bug was simple. A bug was treatable. He didn’t need Vexen’s help for this. He cleared his throat audibly, halting their argument and drawing their attention. “I’m happy to take a look. It might be something I can fix.”

There was a heavy silence to follow his suggestion, one that did not surprise Zexion in the least. Saïx was the Organization’s worst patient, of that there could be no question. He rarely accepted medical advice, refused standard treatment, and largely chose to suffer rather than appear weak. Even Lexaeus came in for the occasional painkiller. Even Xemnas would stay in bed if he were seriously ill. But Saïx would grit his teeth and bear it, never complaining of even the most severe symptoms. Zexion knew better than to press him, and largely kept his distance to avoid injuring the man’s fragile ego. Vexen was far more suited to his personality. Vexen had no patience for rotten attitudes, and wouldn’t accept any aggression or disobedience. Vexen got results, and he didn’t care who he offended along the way. And, just Zexion’s luck, Vexen was not here today.

Saïx shot Axel a glare, which Axel shot right back. The two remained locked in their standoff for several seconds before the man finally turned to Zexion and relented. “Fine. I will submit to your tests.” He faced Axel once more. “Lea, I can guarantee that he will not find anything that wasn’t already there.”

Axel smirked. “If you’re right, you’ll be rewarded. I promise.”

“Shh—!” Saïx hissed, nudging him forcefully with an elbow. “Not in front of Zexion!”

Zexion emitted an exaggerated yawn, feigning complete ignorance of the exchange. “What was that? Sorry, I just dozed off.”

Although it was a struggle not to laugh at the sight of Saïx blushing with embarrassment, Zexion could not help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the man. Perhaps he was unaware of the change in his demeanor, but Zexion could see quite plainly that Saïx was nervous. Whether it was related to his illness or something else entirely was uncertain, but the young apprentice endeavored to make the lab a safe place for him, hoping to earn his cooperation in return. While treating his symptoms, he would preserve Saïx’s privacy and keep his reputation intact. The visit would be entirely off the record, and no one would have to know he’d ever come in. Whatever would put him at ease.

He donned a warm smile and activated his expert bedside manner. “Come with me,” he led the pair into the back room where a metal examination table sat amidst a series of machines. “Remove your coat and lie down on the table.”

There was a tense air about Saïx as he stood in the doorway, hesitating. After a long beat spent staring at the table, he scoffed and began pulling off his gloves. It was when he was unzipping his coat with trembling hands that Zexion was able to see just how thin he’d become. He didn’t appear malnourished by any means, but his ribs were clearly visible and his skin seemed almost translucent for how pale it was. Whatever virus he’d caught, Zexion sincerely hoped it wouldn’t be passed around the Organization before he could figure out how to cure it. The symptoms must have been far worse than the man was letting on.

Axel carefully helped Saïx climb onto the table. “Do you want me to leave?”

Saïx, still with daggers in his eyes, coldly handed off his coat to him. “Yes.”

Dejected, Axel nodded and headed for the door. He hadn’t traveled more than a few feet when Saïx urgently called to him. “Wait… Stay.”

The pleading look on Saïx’s face shocked even Zexion with its sincere expression of desperation. He’d never known the man to be afraid of anything, and to see him looking so apprehensive now was both jarring and, for lack of a better term, heartwarming. This was a moment the apprentice was not meant to see. Perhaps a thousand words were exchanged in that brief silence. Axel’s only response was to smile and return to his side, dissolving the tension between them and quelling Saïx’s fears quite effectively. It was Zexion’s hope to one day be so close to someone — someone who could lend him the strength he lacked. Someone who would be brave on his behalf.

Zexion, having finished his preparations, switched on the bright light hanging over the table and began the exam. “Okay, let’s see here,” he gently prodded the right side of Saïx’s abdomen. “Does that hurt?”

“No.”

Already perplexed, he switched to the left side. “How about this?”

“No.”

“Hmm…” Having thrown out at least two conditions already, Zexion moved to the upper part of his belly. “Alright, how about right here?”

“Not at all.”

A few more possible maladies were ruled out, only raising more questions as a result. “Curious… This is a bit of a mystery.”

No matter where he poked and prodded, Saïx never complained of any discomfort. Zexion laid a hand on his forehead, finding that although the skin was clammy and still drenched in fresh beads of sweat, it was not especially warm. With a gentle pinch of the man’s wrist, he found a prominent pulse — a bit fast, but easily explained away by Saïx’s poorly-concealed nerves. The lack of any solid evidence of infection crossed even more ailments off of Zexion’s list, and now he was truly stumped. “No fever, strong vitals…” Zexion sighed. “Well, you’re definitely not sick.”

Saïx pointed to Axel with an authoritative glower. “You. On your knees.”

“You haven’t won yet,” Axel protested, folding his arms in defiance.

All things considered, the exam was going well. Saïx was cooperative, Axel kept out of the way, and Zexion was at least narrowing things down. As far as he could tell, whatever ailed his patient was neither bacterial nor viral. He could detect no inflammation, no deformities, not a single part of Saïx’s anatomy was out of place. At that point, it was just as likely that the man had eaten something that disagreed with him as anything else, but knowing that Axel would not accept such a diagnosis, he pressed on in his search. Acting on a weak hunch, Zexion lowered the waistband of Saïx’s pants by an inch or two and pushed his fingertips deeply into the lowest portion of his abdomen. In all honesty, he hadn’t the foggiest idea what he might have been looking for — a hernia or a stone, perhaps — until he found it. Something buried inside his pelvic region, undetectable to untrained hands. Something that most certainly did not belong there.

Zexion was careful as he manipulated the growth, measuring out its shape and structure. “Saïx, is there any pain here?”

“None.”

It wasn’t especially large. It didn’t present like any mass he’d ever seen before. By now, Zexion had begun to feel increasingly out of his element. Tumors were beyond his expertise. Performing surgery was strictly Vexen’s territory. What would he do if the growth required immediate removal?

Seeing the young apprentice’s fixation, all the remaining color drained from Saïx’s face. “What? What is it?”

When Zexion didn’t answer right away, Axel spoke up. “Zexion, what is it? What did you find?”

“I’m not sure,” he answered, genuinely perplexed. He turned to his patient. “Saïx, I want to do an ultrasound.”

“An ultrasound? Now?”

“It’s the only way for me to see what this is.”

Saïx paused, his eyes darting between Zexion and Axel, as if begging them to make the decision for him. After a few moments, he sighed heavily. “Very well. Do what you must.”

While Zexion disappeared around the corner, Axel and Saïx were left alone to stew in their concerns over the unexpected discovery. Some part of Axel had always known that there was some explanation for his partner’s illness — it just hadn’t been found yet. Now that it had, he wasn’t certain he wanted to know what it was, and judging by the look on Saïx’s face, he didn’t want to know either.

“What do you think it is?”

Axel shrugged. “I’m really not sure.”

The furrow in Saïx’s brow deepened. “Do you suppose it’s serious?”

Axel was positive that he’d never see the day when Saïx bared such vulnerability. This visit to Zexion was supposed to be relatively routine. A minor inconvenience, at most. They weren’t expecting answers. They weren’t expecting anything more than another antacid potion and an order to rest. The typical treatment plan, the one that never worked. But for the moment, Axel could only stare in disbelief as Saïx looked up at him, stricken with fear so potent that he was almost unrecognizable. It had been many years since Axel had seen his old friend looking so frightened as he was now. It was gut-wrenching, seeing the ice melt and getting a clear view of the warmth behind it. But at the same time, there was something oddly comforting in that pleading expression he wore. Saïx could present fear as flawlessly as if he were human, casting off the stone face he always hid behind to beg for a sense of ease. It didn’t look unsettling or out of place. It didn’t look wrong. Without a word, Saïx communicated his wishes quite clearly.

_ I need you. _

“Hey,” Axel softened, taking his hand. “Don’t be scared. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“I’m not scared.”

The solid wall was restored, albeit with a few visible cracks in its infrastructure. Axel smiled, squeezing Saïx’s fingers and letting him have his victory. “Okay.”

The lights were dimmed and Zexion had returned with his equipment, firing up a noisy machine and swabbing Saïx’s abdomen with a sanitary wipe. “There’s no need to be nervous. I’m only investigating the mass I found. Statistically speaking, it’s most likely to be benign and operable.”

The room was uncomfortably silent as Zexion dragged the device back and forth over Saïx’s belly, staring intently at his screen as he did so. Axel couldn’t bear to watch him. He had no desire to see that moment when the young apprentice’s face would inevitably shift with the discovery of something either wondrous or devastating. For now, he could just keep his eyes on Saïx, painting on a smile and pretending nothing was happening, for both of their sakes.

“You’re doing great, Isa.”

Saïx, visibly uncomfortable, tightened his grip around his hand. “Tell me he’s almost done.”

“He’s almost done.”

“Thank you.”

The procedure didn’t last more than a few minutes, but was an eternity for both of them. Together they waited, eyes locked, biting their lips in anticipation, having long lost count of the seconds crawling by. There was never a peep from Zexion for the entire duration. Not even the softest gasp could be heard, even as he slowly ended the exam, setting the instrument aside and gazing at the screen with wide-eyed fascination. Saïx propped up on an elbow, scarcely able to contain himself by that point. “Well? What is the diagnosis?”

The apprentice’s face was frozen in what could only be described as a state of shock. Neither awe nor horror were detectable beyond the stunned curiosity in his expression as he gaped silently at the monitor. It was a long beat before he swallowed audibly and turned the screen around at last. The two peeked at the black, fuzzy image, unable to discern just what he was showing them.

Saïx squinted at the picture. “What am I looking at?”

“This is a still shot from your lower pelvic region.”

“And?”

“Do you recognize this?”

Saïx was growing increasingly impatient. “No, I don’t. Now, if you don’t tell me what it is, so help me I will—“

“I’m going to magnify the image,” Zexion released a shuddering exhale as he tapped a few buttons on the console. “Brace yourself.”

With a few keystrokes, the image was enlarged. The two men gasped in unison as they came to recognize what the monitor depicted. Among the gray static was a familiar shape, resting in the center of a black mass. On one side, a round, bulbous formation. On the other, a misshapen blob with tiny, limb-like outgrowths on its end. A black spot, staring at them from the dark void, just as unaware of them as they had been of it. The figure was unmistakable. There could be no question of what Zexion had found, and the staggering news was enough to seize their very breaths.

The apprentice lowered his head. “I’ll leave you two alone. Please, take your time.”

He ducked out of the room with great haste, avoiding their eyes and leaving an uncomfortable silence in his wake. Saïx slid down from the table for a closer look at the screen. He studied it for a long time without a single shift in his expression, but after a while, Axel could see him trembling. Words could never describe the utter bewilderment the two shared at such a ludicrous revelation. Their minds were a tempest of noise so thunderous that there was no space for questions, doubts, or speculation. And yet, as absurd an idea as it was, Axel could admit that it did make some sense. At the very least, it explained the sudden onset of odd symptoms he’d observed in Saïx over the past several days — the vomiting, the fatigue, the inexplicable sense that something was simply not right. The pieces were clicking into place, leading to an answer that was both obvious and deceptively simple, yet that neither of them were ready to accept.

Axel swallowed hard and took a few cautious steps toward his companion. “Isa—“

“How…?”

“Listen, Isa—“

“How can this be? How could this happen?”

Axel cringed, wishing he had an answer. “I don’t know. But listen—“

“It’s not possible…” Saïx was now pacing the floor with his head in his hands, growing more agitated every second. “It’s not possible, Lea. It’s not possible!”

“Isa, calm down…”

“It must be a mistake,” Saïx glanced again at the monitor. “That could be anything.”

Axel took a long look at the image on the screen, taking care to examine every piece of it. Try as he did to tilt his head, cross his eyes and see beyond the shape displayed there, he was unable to see anything other than what he knew very well it was. “I really don’t think that’s a mistake.”

Saïx was clearly so distraught that he could barely stand upright. He doubled over, clutching his abdomen and panting heavily. His head dropped and he seemed to stare into himself with disbelief, appalled and horrified by his own insides. “I don’t understand… I don’t have… I’m not…”

Axel, having seen quite enough of his distress, took him by the shoulders before he could sink to the floor. “Isa, look at me.”

It took some coaxing, a gentle nudge of his chin, but Saïx complied and lifted his eyes to meet Axel’s, listening silently.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Axel whispered. “You’re going to be fine.”

Saïx’s eyes were wide and alert, carrying the childlike innocence of a frightened animal. He looked so desperate, beseeching his partner for an escape, for safety. The surprises did not end there, as those amber eyes soon welled up before darting out of Axel’s view, quickly hidden behind the veil of blue hair hanging around his face. Axel was overcome with a powerful sense of pity, and without hesitation he pulled Saïx’s shivering form in for an embrace. “Hey, come here, it’s alright…”

He held the man tightly, keeping him together, keeping him close. Almost immediately, Saïx’s body went limp in his arms as he finally succumbed. “It can’t be… It’s not real…”

“Shh…”

“Where did it come from? What am I supposed to do now?”

“You don’t have to do anything right now.”

And he didn’t. He all but shut down at that point, hovering stiffly in place as he pressed into Axel’s chest. Saïx did not cry. He was too strong, too proud to cry. Axel wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the man she’d a single tear. But, standing there in the dark, locked in their embrace as the enormity of the situation washed over them, it was the closest he’d ever come.

“This is a nightmare…” he said with a shaking voice. “I’ll wake up any minute…”

Before Axel could say anything in response, he caught sight of a new shadow being cast over the ground. Zexion had returned and was fidgeting in the doorway, unsure if he ought to come inside. Axel and Saïx quickly parted, letting their arms drop awkwardly to their sides as he crossed the threshold. He’d barely made it back into the room before Saïx began interrogating him. “Zexion, explain this.”

Zexion shrugged. “I’m just as clueless as you are.”

“Then speculate!” Saïx demanded. “How could this have occurred?”

For a long pause, the young scientist just stood there paralyzed. He supposed he would spend the rest of the day and night with his nose buried in books, researching every text he could get his hands on. He’d scroll through publication after publication until the screens burned his corneas. He’d pour over all the available data, and even then, he wasn’t certain that he’d ever find an answer. To his knowledge, such an extraordinary circumstance as this was unheard of in all recorded medical history. Saïx was staring daggers into him, understandably impatient and unwilling to take silence for an answer, and Zexion had absolutely nothing.

“I assume… naturally,” he scratched his head, averting his eyes as he mumbled the most basic explanation he could muster. “Unless you've not been active—”

Saïx shot him a seething glare, to which Zexion sighed heavily. “I suppose it happened the same way it usually does.”

Saïx gasped. “You mean… Axel is the father?”

“Assuming there’s been no one else, I would be inclined to say yes. But I’ll need to run further tests to be sure. I couldn’t even guarantee that it’s  _ yours,  _ let alone his.”

In many ways, that suggestion was even more frightening than the previous. Zexion regretted it the moment he saw how it affected the man. By then, Saïx, fighting a losing battle and well aware of it, was grasping at anything to disprove the evidence. “There are a few things I lack that would seem to be key components for such a condition.”

“Seems you’re not as lacking as you thought.”

“That’s preposterous. Since when do I have—?”

“For all we know, it’s been there all your life and you just didn’t know about it.”

Ever more incredulous, Saïx didn’t let up for an instant. “With my illness? I’ve had people investigating my insides for almost twenty years. How could this not have been found before now?”

As exasperating as the barrage of questions was, Zexion maintained his patience. He didn’t blame the man in the slightest, and supposed that he may have reacted the same way in Saïx’s position. “I don’t know. But it’s far more likely an answer than to say that you spontaneously grew one.”

Once again, Saïx was teetering on the brink of collapse. “This is utter madness… I really am dreaming…”

Just as he began to crumble again, Axel intervened, drawing him back into their slow dance. Zexion’s first instinct was to leave, to respect their privacy. This was yet another moment he was not meant to see, but he could not help but watch them, mesmerized by the motion of their steps and the soft tone of their voices. He’d never seen two people interact in this way. He’d never known any pair to be this close. Not even as a child, as a human. This was the dynamic that Axel and Saïx showed to no one — the deep connection they kept hidden from the rest of the Organization. Zexion could understand their secrecy. As close a bond as they shared, and as beautiful as their relationship must be, it was a weakness — a vulnerability — and Organization XIII was not a place to be vulnerable. But in this room, they were safe. A much younger Zexion — touch starved, raised by a group of emotionally distant men — had made certain of that, ensuring that there would always be a haven, a place for him and for his comrades to want, to need, and to hurt. Axel and Saïx absorbed every second of that security as they gradually came to terms with their new reality. The swaying diminished and they hardly moved a muscle, just resting there together, forehead to forehead, whispering under their breaths as if they were the only two men in the room. Saïx’s tense posture steadily relaxed as the minutes trudged on in heavy silence, and he soon turned to the young apprentice with a very weary and almost apologetic expression on his face.

“Zexion, I need you to tell me…” he released a slow and shaky breath. “I need you to tell me that I’m still a man.”

Zexion didn’t have to live inside the man’s head to understand the confusion of becoming a Nobody. He was all too familiar with the phenomenon himself. To lose one's heart, his body, his home, the only life he’d ever known — it was more than enough to jeopardize the foundation of his identity. But of all the pieces of himself that he’d lost, he never thought anything could shake the stability of his gender identity. He now overflowed with sympathy for his poor comrade, having to lose even that most basic sense of self, on top of everything else.

But, for the young apprentice, this was both a question that he couldn’t answer, and the one question that he  _ could  _ answer. Zexion was of the firm belief that, heart or no heart, womb or no womb, Saïx was just as much a man as he wanted to be. He smiled warmly, confident that he could put the man at ease just enough with this solemn guarantee. “Of course you are. This doesn’t change that whatsoever.”

Saïx appeared to relax some after that, but on his face shone an expression not of relief, but of defeat. He took a few slow steps back to the exam table, leaning over the surface with his shoulders hanging in a slump. He said nothing, only heaving a long exhale that fogged up the brushed metal beneath him.

“Saïx,” Zexion continued, in no way discouraged by the reaction. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. All I can tell you is that however this occurred, it’s your decision what you do about it. This is still your body. You have a choice.”

There wasn’t even time for a breath before Saïx had made his decision. “Take it out.”

Axel reached for him. “Isa…”

“Take it out,” Saïx ignored his partner’s protests. “I don’t want to keep it.”

“Isa, wait. Think about this for a second.”

“I have, and I’ve decided that I’d like to be rid of it before lunchtime.”

“If you want me to take it out, I will. Like I said, it’s your choice,” Zexion cut in, remaining as neutral as possible. “But this is still very early. You do have time if you want to think about it.”

Axel and Saïx shared a long look. “Fine. I’ll wait,” Saïx conceded. “Thank you, Zexion.”

“I’ll be here if you need to talk.”

They were gone as quickly as they had come, and now, alone again, Zexion’s day resumed plodding along on its course as if nothing had happened. He sat down to write a report on his findings, but ultimately could only stare at the screen in shock. His mind was blank except for the same series of nagging questions. Just what was he supposed to say? How could he even begin to explain everything? He supposed he ought to summon Vexen back immediately. What would he tell him? Zexion shuddered at the thought. Vexen had a tendency to become rather… passionate when it came to new scientific revelations. Would he set his sights on a traumatized Saïx and bombard the poor man with rapidfire questions and invasive tests? Would he upset him further in his zeal to pursue his research? It was true that Vexen might have been a better match for Saïx as a physician, but Zexion could see now that he, too, had a role to play. Saïx was  _ his  _ patient now, and Zexion would endeavor to approach his care plan with gentleness and empathy.

And, of course, Axel could not be overlooked. If the incident had truly occurred naturally, then Axel was just as deeply involved, and would need equal support and consideration. Zexion understood Saïx’s desire to terminate. He’d likely have demanded the same thing, but he had to admit that he shared Axel’s reservations as well. Not only for Axel’s sake as the father, but for the sake of scientific discovery. As selfish as it was, a part of him did hope that Saïx might come around to the idea of carrying it to term, if only to sate the scientists’ curiosity and allow for further study of the creature to be born.

He examined the ultrasound photo closely, studying the shape at its center as he set the image to print. Even in his mind, it was difficult to call that tiny form what it was — a fetus. The very precursor to humanity that was supposed to be out of their reach as Nobodies. Without the hearts necessary to conceive and nurture children, reproduction was supposed to be outside their capabilities, Saïx’s biological sex notwithstanding. But the scan didn’t lie, and neither would he. That being was undoubtedly a developing new life, and if left alone, it could only be assumed that it would grow into a baby. Anyone else — perhaps someone of a more spiritual or religious affiliation — would have called this a miracle, and even as anti-theist as Zexion was, he could not help but gaze at the thing with pure fascination. For the first time in his young life, the idea of an omnipotent force of nature molding this creature from nothing seemed as plausible an explanation as any he could surmise.

Several minutes went by and not a single word made it onto the page of his report. He gave up, sliding out his chair and heading for the door. One thing was for certain — Zexion now had his work cut out for him, and with a day like this one, he was most definitely going to need more coffee. 

* * *

_ I’m pregnant. _

He still couldn’t say the words aloud. In his mind, they still disgusted him. They repeated on an endless loop, taunting him, ringing through his skull at a deafening volume until their meaning was lost in the noise. He could never get used to them. They never ceased to sound out of place. Wrong. After a long while, they blurred together until they were unrecognizable. But they never stopped. They continued to bombard him until he was positive he’d go mad. He tried not to listen. He refused to believe it. The whole thing was preposterous. It was obscene. It couldn’t be true. It simply couldn’t.

There was no point to asking questions now. He didn’t really care to know how long he’d been anatomically prepared to conceive and carry out a pregnancy. He didn’t need to know how he was not only equipped, but functional. It didn’t matter that he’d had a good ten years of wildly unprotected sex without so much as a friction burn to slow him down. All the speculation was a waste of time and energy. Entertaining any hypotheticals or baseless theories was a useless endeavor and would only serve as an obstacle along his path to accepting his condition. He was pregnant. There was no denying that, no matter how desperately he wanted to. He could hear his teachers chiding him now for failing to adhere to safe sexual practices. He could hear his father shouting and his mother weeping, his peers laughing. It was an outrage. A scandal. What would his comrades say? How would he explain this to Xemnas?

Axel finally rolled over and broke the long silence, draping an arm over him as they lay beside each other in bed. “You asleep?”

At this rate, he’d be lucky if he ever slept again. “No.”

“What’s going through your mind?”

The answer was ‘noise.’ Too much noise. His thoughts were far too tangled and he couldn’t possibly separate them out. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “I don’t know what to think.”

He could hear the sympathetic smile in Axel’s voice. “You don’t have to think. Just rest.”

“I’m supposed to be mulling it over.”

“There’s plenty of time for that.”

Sighing, Saïx sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting hunched over and staring into the floor. He looked tired. Weary. Too exhausted to even process everything. It was hard to watch, and Axel was overcome with something that reminded him of guilt.

“Isa, I’m so sorry.”

Saïx whipped his head around. “Sorry? What for?”

“I mean… isn’t this kind of my fault?”

“It takes two, Lea. Or do I need to explain that to you?”

“If I’d known—“

“There was no way either of us could have known,” he returned his gaze to the floor. “I don’t blame you.”

Saïx climbed off the bed and traipsed to his usual spot by the window. The pale light of the moon struck his vibrant blue locks so perfectly that Axel could not help but stare. The man looked the same as he always did, but there was something inexplicably different about him now. Something that Axel couldn’t quite put his finger on, but that he could see very plainly with more than just his eyes.

“It’s your child, too.”

Axel gulped audibly, a bit taken aback. “Y-yeah… I guess it is…”

“You should have a say in this decision.”

“It’s not my body, Isa. I can’t make that choice for you.”

“I still want to know… what you think I should do.”

It didn’t feel like his body anymore. Growing stronger every second was Saïx’s new awareness that he was no longer alone in his own skin. He now shared that space with someone else, someone who presumably carried pieces of himself and of Axel. Saïx tried to imagine what he’d think if their roles were reversed — if it was discovered that Axel was pregnant with his child. If he were to ask Saïx the question, would he have an answer? Would he want any part in such a decision? Would he desire that sort of power? And if he did, would he want the man to go through with it? He truly couldn’t say. As it was now, Saïx didn’t have it in him to make the choice alone, and he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t at least seek some guidance from the only other man whose opinion mattered to him.

“Lea, tell me… what is it you would want?”

Axel thought long and hard before saying a word, making sure to be very careful about how he put together his answer. Not a word out of place, not a single thought to be misconstrued. “I, uh…” he cleared his throat, trying not to stammer as he spoke. “Well, I never thought I’d be a father. I mean, I hate kids. And since I think girls are icky, I kind of figured it was off the table.”

Perhaps he’d been a bit harsh with his vocabulary, but he really did have little patience for children, and with good reason. He had grown up with three older sisters, and each of them had carted out far too many kids for their own good. His siblings often dumped their brood on him and his parents when he was growing up, failing to take responsibility for the noisy little tyrants they’d created. Lea had vowed early on that he’d never procreate, and his family hardly batted an eye as he brought boys home at a rate that put his sisters to shame. Though they didn’t like Isa, convinced that he was a troublemaker and a bad influence, they accepted his preferences and his decisions with no fuss. Even years later after Lea had grown into Axel, he never faltered in his resolution to never pass on his genetic material for as long as he lived. All of that changed the moment he saw that vaguely humanoid form on the screen. “But, to be honest… my first instinct was to be happy. Excited, even,” he shrugged, looking a bit sheepish. “I guess that sounds crazy.”

It didn’t sound crazy at all. Saïx was an only child, and his parents resented that their gay son would never give them grandchildren. The pair were abusive, neglectful screwups, and Isa’s mantra on those nights when his father crawled out from the bottom of a liquor bottle to deliver another beating was that he would never,  _ ever  _ continue that cycle. That broken family line would end with him.

But when he met Lea, the idea of being a parent didn’t seem like such a mistake. There were times when he’d let himself indulge in fantasies he’d never dreamed of before. Thoughts of spending his entire life with Lea. Silly ideas like getting married, living somewhere in the country where it was quiet. Someplace they could see the sunset and the moonrise. Someplace they could grow old together.  _ Girly  _ things.  _ Embarrassing  _ things. But if it could be spent with Lea, a domestic life didn’t seem so dull or empty. There were times when he loved the man so much that he could overflow with affection, and what else could he do but pour it into a child — something they created together with that surplus of blissful, boundless love? With Lea, thoughts like this weren’t repulsive or embarrassing. With Lea, a family didn’t seem so impossible. And even now, with the man Lea had become — with Axel — happiness no longer felt out of their reach.

He’d gotten a little too wrapped up in nostalgia. They were fragmented men. Half beings who could never hope or dream for such things any longer. From the day they’d lost their hearts, his fantasies were doomed to only ever remain as just that. It was high time they’d accepted their new reality. And yet, here he stood, awash in moonbeams, suddenly aware of a third presence in the room with them — one that they could neither see nor hear, but that he could sense from somewhere in his subconscious. Someone who had thrown all of that logic out the window.

“It’s a shame you hate children,” he muttered, almost disappointed in his own way. “You would make an excellent father.”

A persistent thought nudged him, and he let himself indulge in another fantasy, living out the entire journey before him from beginning to end. He supposed the vomiting would continue for some time. Several more weeks, perhaps. It wouldn’t be long before he began to grow. He tried to imagine how he might look — a misshapen man carrying a visibly swollen belly. Repulsive. His comrades would look upon him with shame. How alone he would feel. He would look to Axel, and the poor man would be just as lost. He would second-guess himself, reconsidering his decision long after it was too late to go back and change his mind.

Before long, he would likely begin to feel the creature inside him. He’d become aware of its movements, and around then it might hit him that the thing was alive. He’d grow ever larger and more uncomfortable. He’d feel heavy and off-balance. He might hate the damn thing for making him so miserable. He’d become angry, lashing out at anyone and anything he could reach, knowing there’d be no revenge he could take upon the innocent child in his belly. The anger would quickly dissipate. He’d feel guilty. He’d be afraid. He’d  _ admit  _ to being afraid. Again, he would turn to Axel for some semblance of relief, and again, his partner would have nothing to offer but words. Without any other option, Saïx would press on, taking it all in stride, surviving the harrowing trial one day at a time.

After a while, perhaps he would one day develop some attachment to the being he carried. Maybe he’d come to accept it as his own offspring. As Axel’s offspring. As the child they had unwittingly created together. He’d grow accustomed to its presence — the everpresent hum of life inside his own body. He’d speak to it as if it could hear him, and he’d swear that it spoke back. And at the end of it all, by some miracle or another, it would be born from him. For the first time, after all those months, he would lay eyes on the creature he’d conceived. He figured he’d hold the thing in his arms and fall madly in love with it, and what else should follow but a happily ever after?

Staring down at himself, laying a hand over his abdomen as if he would feel it’s presence, a peculiar feeling washed over him. Perhaps it was mere curiosity. Perhaps something more. For a moment, he was certain he could  _ hear  _ its voice. He listened to it, easily understanding every word. It was a beautiful sound. He could sense it, alive inside of him. Waiting, growing. He could feel their connection. It was a part of him and a part of Axel. The culmination of their lifelong bond. This was the vessel where they could pour off the excess. It rested calmly in its place, safe from all distress. It would be Saïx who would breathe life into this creature. He held its survival in his hands. And he questioned just what right he had to throw that away.

“Lea… this may be our only opportunity. We might never have another chance.”

There was a gasp from Axel’s place behind him. “Isa…?”

“With any luck, it will look like you.”

He heard a rustling of fabric and the creak of springs as Axel scrambled off the bed. After that, there was tense silence as the man hesitated to take another step, frozen in place with anticipation. “Isa, are you sure you want to do this?”

Maybe they would be terrible parents. Maybe they would wind up creating a person just as miserable as they were. Maybe they’d never truly see a happily ever after. But one of Saïx’s idle fantasies could finally be idle no more. He was carrying Axel’s child now.  _ Their  _ child. And that child deserved to bask in the sun’s rays and to dance in the moon’s beams. To have dreams and fantasies of its own and to go out into the world and make them come true. 

Axel had confessed that he would be happy, and that was all Saïx ever wanted. With a new warmth coursing through his body, he turned to face the man — his partner, the father of their future child — and he answered him with a resolute nod. “Yes. I am.”

Axel rushed in and hugged him tightly with the widest, most genuine smile Saïx had seen him crack in all the years they’d lived without hearts. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was an outrage and a scandal. Maybe they would all look upon him with repugnance and shame. But it was an opportunity he could not let go to waste. It was a miracle he refused to squander. Saïx neither believed in god nor fate, but somehow he knew there was a reason that he was entrusted with such a burden. Whether by the divine hand of creation or the mysterious will of coincidence, he’d been given an impossible task and instructed to make it so. Saïx never backed down from a challenge. This was his trial, and he would see it through to the end.

When he’d been squeezed so much that he could hardly breathe, Axel finally released him, still smiling. “So what now?”

Saïx shrugged. “I suppose we tell Zexion.”

“Zexion can wait. Come to bed.”

“Hmph,” he scoffed, remembering their deal from in the lab. “I see. You won. Shall I reward you?”

“You already have.”

All at once, that overflowing feeling rapidly returned to him, and for the first time since losing his heart, he swore he could feel real human love. More than enough for just the two of them. He gasped, startled by the sensation of something intangible spilling from his hollow chest. A tingling warmth that enveloped him like a soft blanket. And to his surprise, he looked up and found Axel  _ still smiling _ . He could have melted on the spot.

“You get one of those,” Saïx narrowed his eyes. “One per day.”

Axel laughed. “Get over here and kiss me.”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Saïx dove into bed and was pinned to the pillow almost instantly where Axel wasted no time bombarding him with a flurry of passionate kisses. Ordinarily, Saïx would have rejected his hurried advances and shoved him away. He hated to rush, hated when making love was sloppy. But he didn’t protest at all. The anticipation and the urgency were irresistible. Electrifying. He could only describe the moment as magical. They’d lost that magic before, and they would lose it again. In fact, it was all but guaranteed that there would come a day when those moments were lost for good. Saïx wasn’t about to take them for granted again.

When they’d come down from the heights and found their voices again, Axel lifted his head, still smiling as he took in the view of Saïx lying breathless under him. “You’re glowing.”

Saïx blushed and averted his eyes. “Already?”

“Could just be me,” his gaze became more of a smolder every minute. “You just look so beautiful right now.”

Saïx was growing increasingly flustered by the hyper-affectionate nature of his partner, particularly now while trapped in his grasp with no place to hide the flush in his cheeks. “I said you get one of those.”

Axel’s grin spread even wider. “Yeah, you’re glowing. Brighter than the moon.”

Saïx had been convinced that morning that he was in the middle of a surreal and terrifying nightmare, all the while praying that he would awaken soon and put it all behind him. But now, he took it all back. He needed this to be real. He would get on his knees and beg if he had to, pleading with whatever powers that be to let it not be a dream. He’d nearly forgotten how elation felt — how  _ happiness  _ felt — until he saw it written all over Axel’s face.

“You know, Lea,” he stated, matching his gleaming smile with one of his own. “You’re glowing, too.”

They’d worn themselves out. The shock, the excitement, and the celebration had completely exhausted them, and they cuddled in bed for the rest of the afternoon, too drained to do anything else. Saïx drifted in and out of consciousness, dreaming of the child that he could call his — the baby that was already theirs. He or she would be handsome like Axel. Confident and witty like Axel. Compassionate and loving like Axel. Perhaps it would have Axel’s dazzling green eyes and his fiery red hair. Or maybe it would take on Saïx’s features instead. Either way, it would be stunning. Perfect. He could picture it every time he opened his eyes and peered at his partner’s face, peacefully resting beside his own. Even in sleep, Axel was still smiling. He, too, was glowing. Brighter than himself, brighter than the moon. He, too, was overflowing with real happiness and genuine love. Spilling from his chest, just like Saïx’s. And now, at long last, there would be a place for it.

_ I hope you inherit that smile. _

**Author's Note:**

> I so enjoyed writing this, and can't even begin to describe just how much I needed it. Current events have put me in a very weird place, emotionally. I've lost my job, and my future is quite uncertain. In this delicate state, I have written this fluffy little piece in the hopes that perhaps others might find that it helps them as much as it helps me. I really love how it turned out and I hope that you enjoyed reading it.
> 
> Mommy Saix and Daddy Axel are the sweetest ^^ I can't get enough of them. Let me know what you think of this installment, and please, stay safe out there.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @ Ostelan, where I post sneak previews of what I'm working on and otherwise make a lot of noise. Find me on Tumblr where I post Data Greeting photos! Join us in our Discord server! >> https://discord.gg/ffy5E8G
> 
> Peace and Love,  
> Ostelan


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